New idea for comic,animated series

Haven't got a name but it's based around 5 kids experimented by the goverment to be sorta superhuman using robots and weapon welded to their body's there's 5 characters,who im drawing right now,here they are names,age,and powers
Resonate-patrick roberts,14 (leader and based around me) uses sound,always wear a backback with mega strong speakers in and has two "sound guns" and can blast a range of noises,even with pitches to kill,and ko,also a parkour expert
Dex-dexter kawaski,12,(based around a friend) can hack into and control anything mechanical using only his mind
Trickster-16,(the best one to be called,a lone wolf,doesnt speak much) can project speaking moving solid holagrams of anything,including blades,people,and stuff
Electra-13(the only girl in the group,has crush on resonate,who is annoyed by the fact),can control electricity and can kill people with one touch,or KO them,also a master in martial arts
Twin-12,(the most secluded of the group,no one knows his real name or anything of his background)can create clones and for every clone he creates,they all get stronger,so say ten clones could easily destroy a house with their bare hands
any suggestions or ideas would be welcome,name suggestions i'd like too please

Stories like that don't usually end well...

I tried making a story like that but with 4 kids, and the plot seemed like it would never end.
I guess I hate writing fantasy/action.

Then I got into romantic-comedy, and i'm a-ok. ._.

Here's a good tip-

Don't make it so complicated :U

I want to write a novel explaining the origin of the name...
SoulDragon >

Characters based off their creators are more likely to end up as Mary Sues.

Probably because most people don't want to admit their flaws or are trying to create the ideal version of themselves.

Actually,no,i designed them on certian people because of their flaws and i use the flaws on the story :C i've done a few chapters and a few people have reveiwed it and given it thuumbs up so >:U

My brain hurts.

[This was a Misspost. Please remove.]

These chars are very Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu. They lack creativity and honestly, they do not seem to have been created with much thought.

They're all overpowered.
"can create clones and for every clone he creates,they all get stronger,so say ten clones could easily destroy a house with their bare hands"
The fact that they get stronger with each clone is horrible. I mean, it basically means this ONE 12y/o kid could easily take out an army with an equal amount of clones as the opposing force.

"can control electricity and can kill people with one touch,or KO them,also a master in martial arts"
You can't be a martial artist MASTER in 12 years, impossible. She would have had only 10 years max to train too, because any age before that she is still an infant.

"can project speaking moving solid holagrams of anything,including blades,people,and stuff"
A basic definition of "Hologram" is recreating a 3 dimensional image of an object using light. Light has no mass and therefor, niether does the image it creates. It is impossible to have a "Solid" Hologram.
Don't you watch Red Dwarf?

"can hack into and control anything mechanical using only his mind"
This one isn't so bad. But he is 12 and can control ANYTHING mechanical? With JUST his mind? Even if this is fantasy/sci-fi style it is too overpowered.

"has two "sound guns" and can blast a range of noises,even with pitches to kill,and ko,also a parkour expert" Again with the Insta-Kill powers. You know what people call this? GODMODDING. Don't do it, it makes you look trollish. And, yet again, he is already an Expert at Parkour, which takes YEARS upon YEARS to master but he isn't even out of adolescence? Not. Possible.


I would HIGHLY reccommend re-writing these people. They're all bland and unoriginal, they pretty much are drowning in their own cliche. All they need now is perfect figures and cliche spiked hair.

Also, on the concept of your idea for the plot. Cliche. It has already been done so many times, making another plot like this would be WORSE than a B-Grade movie.


Overall, I would suggest not doing this. Read more stories and watch more movies so you can learn about the effects of cliches in characters and plots. You will undoubtedly find that they ALWAYS make a movie dull and pretty much pathetic.



Sorry if I come off too strong, but this is what I believe as an experienced Writer and RPer. This is not me trolling, no matter how rough it might sound to you.
It is me giving you legit and effective advice on how to better your writing and even drawing skills (as drawing works the same way.Just read manga/comics to see the resemblance.).

~Akoura Kaversicus Wolfe

Read the start <_> they were just normal kids experimented by the goverment,some of them gained those skills from the bio-mechanical alteration of their body's,Fine,ill re-think it,but as i said this is a NEW idea and i havent done much like this before,Im also a excellent roleplayer and very good in english,but writing a book,is new to me.and no..i dont watch red dwarf,seen it,and it sucks.

Lol, Rage.

I did read the post actually. But my word still stands. Part of the problem is the actual fact that they just "get" their powers. It's boring and cliche. Stories like that give off the feeling that half the story is missing. And also, where does the story go? You said they are created by the government, but where is the story?

If you're posting an Idea, don't get mad at people if they say it isn't good. If you don't want others true opinions on your Ideas then you shouldn't bother mentioning them.

Akoura .K. Wolfe wrote:

Lol, Rage.

I did read the post actually. But my word still stands. Part of the problem is the actual fact that they just "get" their powers. It's boring and cliche. Stories like that give off the feeling that half the story is missing. And also, where does the story go? You said they are created by the government, but where is the story?

If you're posting an Idea, don't get mad at people if they say it isn't good. If you don't want others true opinions on your Ideas then you shouldn't bother mentioning them.

Agreed completely with the fact that there's no plot!

Were they trained assassins and they escaped from HeadQuarters and they only want to have a normal life, but since their practically all cyborgs it makes it hard to blend in with society?

They dont just get they're powers the first 5 or so chapters are them getting they're powers and escaping

Ah, I see. Well until just then, there was no mantion of an escape, let alone 5 chapters. Still Martial Arts Mastery isn't something you can just have.

Is there an antagonist, if so then who or what is it?

Does anything happen, if so then what happens?

Is there a moral, if so then what is the moral?

Is there tone for the story, if so what attitude does it give?

How are the relationships of the characters?

How does it end?

How will you make it interesting?


Oh and you might want to start using spaces after commas and ending punctuation, Mr. very good in english.

I feel like butting in, but too much has happened in my absence for me to conceive whatever is happening...

souldragon wrote:

I feel like butting in, but too much has happened in my absence for me to conceive whatever is happening...

Lurk more.

tl;dr ._.

souldragon wrote:

tl;dr ._.

tl;dr version: OP is making a story about Mary Sue characters and no defined plot.

That sounds like something I would do, except I don't know what Mary Sue is... I suppose I'll go and read some of the posts now XD

souldragon wrote:

That sounds like something I would do, except I don't know what Mary Sue is... I suppose I'll go and read some of the posts now XD

A Mary Sue character is a character that has no notable flaws.

In Layman's terms the little miss perfect character.

Flaws are an important part of character development ._.

souldragon wrote:

Flaws are an important part of character development ._.

Yep, reading a story with flawless characters is almost as hard to read as My Immortal.

Nevertheless, you can have perfect characters, you just have to disguise them XD

souldragon wrote:

Nevertheless, you can have perfect characters, you just have to disguise them XD

It all depends on the situation.

I can understand in a comedy it would be funny if there was a perfect character who Gary Oak'd everyone but OP wants to make a serious/action story, I think.